I haven’t written a blog in some time. That is a problem and it is time to get a little real and raw in the post. I was trying to think of a perfect analogy for the current state of things. I decided to throw it back old school and liken life to dial-up internet. I was cruising along on my 56k v.92 dial-up connection most of 2019. It had its amazing times, and it’s not so amazing times. Then in the blink of an eye, mom picked up the other telephone and kicked me off the connection. I then did what anyone would do. I yelled, swore a lot, then tried to connect again. It did reconnect and I was back on. The problem was that I was trying to pick up where I left off, and the truth is, everything changed in those few disconnected moments. I was pissed off that my connection got interrupted. I was even more pissed off that things had changed, and even though I was back on and connected, my work and effort didn’t seem to feel right. I realized it was time to get off dial-up and get on fiber. That would mean some downtime, new hardware, new software, new ways of doing things to get reconnected, for the better.
So what does any of this have to do with me, DanMickle.com, Soul Performance, and hell…Life in general? Life is always (and will always be) a challenge. Even when things are going well, there are challenges. When the pandemic hit, that was my mom picking up the phone on dialup. I thought I knew what it would be like and how to really deal with it. Let’s be real, I spend most of my time helping people deal with adverse situations. I have the tools and knowledge. Maybe I was a bit arrogant thinking that I would be fine and could just work a little harder to get reconnected. However, much like reconnecting to the old dialup, the world has changed. I won’t dive too much into the “is it better or worse” debate. We can all agree that it is not the same. I did my best to just keep the bus moving. I did some great (in my opinion) podcasts and relaunched the Mental Cast project. I stayed busy by working with over 20 different sports teams across 6 different sports. I was checking in on my friends making sure they were ok. I even got back in the gym and working out. Hell, I even played in a doubles tournament on one of the hottest days of the summer.
Then it happened. I ran out of gas. No..I mean I LITERALLY ran out of gas. The car went from an 8-mile range to a 0-mile range in one block. I thought I had the perfect plan. Run the quick errand then go fill up. I had everything I needed. I had money, time, and a plan. Well, I had to quickly change that plan. So, there I am, doing 90 mph on a back road because I knew there were no hills. If I could just make it to the last turn, I could coast into the gas station. So, I started the way anyone else would. I cranked the radio up as loud as I could, so distract me, I literally went 0.9 miles at 90 MPH when the range meter said “0”. I ran out of gas just as I made the last turn and as fate would have it, there was no cross traffic, so I turned and coasted to the pumps. I got out, looked around to see if anyone noticed the car shutdown when I coasted in. I started to fill out and I sat in the car. That is when it really did hit me.
I ran out of gas. Literally and figuratively. There I was, the guy who did a presentation to 200 coaches about burnout, sitting at a gas station out of gas in his car and his life. I sat in the car long enough for the pump to time-out asking me if I wanted a receipt. At that moment I had a flashback to the series finale of Mad Men. I have no idea exactly what the writers were thinking for that series finale, and I am sure that is by their design. They want everyone who watches it to come to their own conclusion, their own narrative to the story. That is exactly what happened to me. Instead of looking at how I got myself in this position, I sat in the car thinking about Don Draper and his journey and conclusion. I think of it like this (for those who have not seen the show, this may not make sense..and…You should really binge watch it): Don always worked hard to keep his life going and afloat that he just created more noise to drown out the problems. Once he finally just broke down and took a step back, he found what he was looking for. I personally think he found his legacy. Not just the next big thing. Now back to me. I realized I was overdoing things to drown out my own mind and body telling me I was headed for a crash. Just like that day in the car, I just turned up the radio to drown it all out. There were a lot of things going through my head. That I needed to be there for everyone else, for my family, my friends, those coaches I respect and look up to, my own team, and a slew of other things.
Then the wheels fell off. Also, literally. On the SAME FRICK’N DAY I ran out of gas. 2 hours later, I clipped the curb and blew the tire out in the same car. I just was distracted, pulling in by my house like I have done almost every day since 2000. Saying I was pissed off was an understatement. I went into the house and didn’t even look at the stupid car for 2 days. I mean, we are in a lockdown basically, so where would I really have to go, and we have two other cars, one of which is also out of inspection, but that is for another day and story. I was just so angry at the car and me…And life. How could I have gotten to this point? I know that a lot of people will say “hey, it happens to us all” and “shake it off” and all those great clichés. However, the truth of the matter is this: both these incidents happened because I was trying to distract myself from the warning signs that I was about to crash and burn. I was trying to keep everything “normal” when I was far from that point.
If you add in all the pandemic information, social unrest, and election chatter, it is amazing that I didn’t drive off a cliff trying to turn my life’s radio up. So what does any of this have to do with my, my blog, my “brand”, and everything else? It means that it takes a lot for us to realize when we are in trouble most of the time. I am not talking about life-ending trouble, although it certainly could. I am talking about the little stuff that just builds up and we push it off, we turn up the radio, anything to make it go away, except the one thing that should be done. I should have addressed those signs and made some changes or some fixes. I had become distant to my wife, my parents, my kids, my siblings, my coaches, and my friends. I thought I was doing it to protect them, and not bring them more stress than what they were dealing with. I thought all my training, degrees, certifications, and god knows what else, would bail me out eventually. The truth of the matters is that those of us who work in the psychological, mental, well-being, and other related fields have to treat ourselves as well as those we work with. I broke that rule. Simply turning off social media or the news is not enough. I (you, we, all of us) need to actually work our mental well-being.
As I close out this blog, I want to circle back to the original analogy. I am rebuilding my connection. I am installing new hardware and software. I am also making new connections to make things better. I really have no idea what that means or what that will actually look like. I just know that I really do enjoy hosting the podcasts, the blogging, the streaming, and my work. It is not going anywhere, but it will be revised and done better. However, first I am working on me. I am working on thanking those who have been by my side through all of this with action, and not words. So don’t worry. I am good and I am not going anywhere. The best is yet to come both socially, brand-wise, and most importantly, life-wise. I really do love you all, even those I disagree with politically, socially, and philosophically. I am going to make sure you are all the fuel in my car of life and not the music on the radio. Thanks for reading their weird, incoherent, and probably crazy post.
More to come my friends!
