Sorry for the delayed response. I am knee-deep in coaching, teaching, and working on my doctorate. It is a bit crazy.
TLDR = Neurodivergent/ADHD athletes have unique needs, and the most significant problem is that coaches do not have any training on how to deal with it if they are even aware a player is ND. So, the solution is very personal to the athlete you are dealing with.
Also, before I begin my response, I want to give a little background. I have been coaching for 30+ years at all levels. I have coaches k-12, college, professional, and international—many topics I choose to reply to are present at all levels. Also, I am married to a neurodivergent wife and have three neurodivergent children. That led me to begin my doctoral studies for a D.H.Sc (Doctorate of Health Sciences) focusing on “coaching considerations for neurodivergent populations.” So this topic is not just professional for me, it is very personal.
The original poster asked, “How many of you have kids that have ADHD or anxiety disorder? How do you deal with that with volleyball? Some of the things that she does, she can’t help it, and the other girls or the coaches don’t understand that.”
There is a lot to unpack with that question, so I will try not to make it too long or unorganized of a response. I will start with the first part as a parent. My oldest (16/Junior in HS) is a volleyball player. My middle daughter (14/Freshman) is the artist. My son (11/6th Grade) is a percussionist. All three of them are diagnosed with ADHD. The key is that we are all diagnosed differently. I think that is what most people fail to understand with ADHD. While it may be an umbrella diagnosis, there are a lot of nuances to it.
We, as a family, have been very open about it. So, I do not worry about “over-sharing” here. My oldest manifests her ADHD mostly with Time Blindness and Out-of-Site-Out-of-Mind. My middle daughter has anxiety that is sometimes debilitating for her. My son is an “overpleaser” and talks—a lot. I mean…A lot. So, they all deal with it in very different ways. Also, it doesn’t help that the term ADHD is not accurate. When you say Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, most people think of a lack of attention or Hyperactivity. What usually is happening is an overload of attention. It is a deficit because there is not enough attention bandwidth available vs not having enough to start. So as a parent, you may have to navigate different paths for multiple children. It is not a one-size-fits-all type of thing. The hard part is the emotional aspect of being a parent and watching them struggle. It is painful, and many nights, I have cried in the shower over it. Feeling like I was not doing enough. One of the first mistakes we did (and I see most people do), is go straight to time management and organization. Many parents will try to make a strict timeline or protocols to help their child succeed. It makes perfect sense in our neurotypical minds. “I am going to have my kid get off the bus, sit at the table, and do their homework from 3-4 before I let them do anything else. I don’t care if we sit all night”. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work most of the time. We have to learn strategies that are specific to them. For example, my youngest HAS to do his math homework (or even in class) while standing. He needs that freedom to move while he works. It may seem unfocused or distracting, but it works for him. My oldest has time blindness. So, we used to structure when things had to be done. For example, science work was due on Monday, so we would try to set a schedule. Do a little on Tuesday, Thursday, etc. So it would be done on time but not overload her. That was a struggle. Once we tossed the game plan out and let her work on her own time, everything improved (grades, attitude, etc). So, if she was up until ten the night before to complete the assignment, that was on her. It can be challenging as a parent to watch that deadline approach, but that is how she works. Her grades and production have gotten a lot better (she is now dual enrollment with the local community college and on the dean’s list). So, as a parent, I can best recommend reading up on ADHD. Dr. Barkley is a fantastic resource. But don’t just try to do what you think is right because, most times, it is counterproductive.
Now, on to the coaching side. There are two huge key points we need to keep in mind when it comes to coaches and ADHD athletes:
- Most coaches do not know an athlete has ADHD, especially if they are not on medication. They rarely have an idea, and it is not always easy to spot.
- There is no “real” training for coaches and ADHD or any neurodivergent athletes. SO coaches, who are already underpaid and have limited time/resources are left to their own devices to figure it out.
It is a perfect storm. Current studies suggest that about 1 in 10 youth are ADHD or neurodivergent. If you think about it, there is a high likelihood that one player per team is neurodivergent. One of the biggest misconceptions I have run into during my studies and research is that the general population tends to think that neurodivergent tend to weed themselves out of sports because it is hard for them. What I have seen is the opposite. Neurodivergent youth tend to migrate towards sports because it is an area where they can get some relief. So, I personally (and unscientifically) believe that the number of neurodivergent athletes on a team is higher than 1 in 10. Another issue is that a lot of young children do not develop signs until later (around 11-12 years old) and many are undiagnosed. So not only do the coaches not know, the parents (and even players) don’t know.
As to the main question, how do you deal with it? You have to have the conversation and educate the coach. Explain some of your child’s tendencies and how you have worked with them in the past. There could be things that the coach or team is doing that may seem small but may have significant impacts on your child. One of the big changes over the years I have made is how we warm up. We do not make it controlled. Here is the time (20 minutes say) you have to get your mind and body ready for practice however you need. Some players need music and some hate music. How do you balance that? On the court, my child is very loose. She likes to move and shake things off (literally). Sometimes, coaches see this as inattention or lack of focus, but it is the opposite. That is what keeps her locked in. If you want her to stand still and “focus” you are going to lose the best version of her.
That is not to say you can’t or shouldn’t have regimented tasks or practices, but it is more about picking your battles and what you are willing to compromise on. If you truly want the best out of your athletes, you are going to have to make connections and learn about them. I could go on and give a bunch of examples, but each player and team is different, and it all starts with dialogue and compromise.
Both as a parent and a coach, it will not always be roses. It will be very frustrating and challenging at times. My oldest walked away from high school volleyball last year because the environment was not good for her, and the old staff (and new staff) had no desire to work with her. Of course, it hurts me as a parent to not see her playing, and as a coach, it hurts to see other coaches not willing to understand or take those concerns seriously. Now, I will say her mind and body have healed over time after playing since she was 9. She played beach the past two years and is returning to indoor club this season, because she found a club that actually understood and wanted to learn and work with her on it. Sometimes the answer is that you have to look for a home (athletically) that will let her/him thrive and be the best they can. That journey can be hard, but it will be worth it.
I hope this answers your question. It is a complex situation. You will get a lot of responses and “tips,” but the truth is that ADHD and all neurodivergent athletes are unique, and how we all work with them is not done via a template.
I will gladly answer any other questions you may have.
